People Who Are Hard on Themselves Tend to Be Hard on Others: So Let’s Try to Loosen Up

Many people believe that they need to be “hard on themselves” to succeed. While a certain level of self-discipline is indeed helpful for personal growth and achieving goals, those who are overly strict with themselves often end up being just as strict with others—sometimes without even realizing it. This can lead to stress and strained relationships, both for themselves and those around them. So, why not try loosening up a bit? Let’s explore why and how to do that.

Traits of People Who Are Hard on Themselves

People who are hard on themselves often share some common characteristics:

1. Perfectionism: They strive to do everything perfectly and feel terrible about even the smallest mistakes.
2. Low Self-Esteem: No matter how much they accomplish, they always feel like it’s not enough, leading to a persistently low self-worth.
3. High Expectations of Others: They tend to impose their own high standards on others and can become critical or judgmental when others don’t meet these expectations.

While this personality type can lead to success in work or academics, it often takes a toll on mental and physical health in the long run. Moreover, it can harm relationships with others.

Why Being Hard on Yourself Makes You Hard on Others

Why do people who are tough on themselves end up being tough on others as well? It’s because the strict standards they set for themselves unconsciously extend to those around them. They think, “If I can work this hard, others should too,” which then reflects in their behavior and interactions.

For instance, if you constantly aim for 100% in your work, you’ll start noticing and getting frustrated with others’ mistakes or shortcomings. You might find yourself thinking, “I could have done that better” or “Why can’t they handle such a simple task?” These thoughts can subtly seep into how you treat others.

The Benefits of Loosening Up

Now, let’s take a step back and consider the idea of “loosening up.” Being more lenient with yourself and others can bring numerous benefits:

1. Reduced Stress: Letting go of the need for perfection can alleviate a lot of internal pressure. When you can forgive mistakes or shortcomings, daily stress significantly decreases.
2. Improved Self-Esteem: By being more forgiving towards yourself, you can start feeling, “This is good enough.” This mindset fosters self-acceptance and lightens the emotional load.
3. Better Relationships with Others: When you’re less critical of yourself, you naturally become more accepting of others’ flaws. This shift creates more room to appreciate their strengths, making relationships smoother and trust-building easier.

Start with Small Steps

“Loosening up” might sound simple, but changing deeply ingrained habits can be tough. Start by taking small steps towards being kinder to yourself and others.

1. Choose One Thing Each Day Not to Perfect: Each day, select one task or area where you tell yourself, “It’s okay if it’s not perfect.” For instance, it’s perfectly fine to cut corners in household chores or accept a less-than-ideal outcome at work. Start small and let yourself relax a little.
2. Celebrate Small Wins: Develop the habit of acknowledging and celebrating your own efforts and accomplishments, no matter how minor. As you become more compassionate towards yourself, you’ll find it easier to extend that same kindness to others.
3. Be More Forgiving of Others’ Mistakes: When you notice someone else’s mistakes or flaws, remind yourself, “I make mistakes too.” Everyone has their off days. Start by saying, “It’s okay” instead of immediately criticizing or judging.

In Conclusion

People who are hard on themselves often find themselves being hard on others as well, usually without realizing it. However, by first learning to be a bit more lenient with yourself, you can naturally become more understanding and forgiving towards others. Letting go of the need for perfection can create more mental space and make it easier to build smoother relationships. To foster happiness both for yourself and those around you, why not try loosening up a little, starting today?