When people hear about attending an international school, they often imagine it as a place where students naturally become fluent in English while enjoying a global, multicultural environment. However, for me, learning English was far from easy—it was a constant uphill battle. In this post, I’d like to share my experience of struggling with English at an international school and how I eventually started to improve after graduation.
Table of Contents
The Pressure of Not Being Good Enough
When I first entered the international school, my English skills were almost non-existent. All the classes were conducted in English, and just trying to understand what the teachers were saying felt overwhelming. On top of that, my classmates spoke fluent English, which made me feel like I was constantly falling behind.
One of the hardest parts was being scolded by teachers for not being good enough at English. While they likely had good intentions and wanted me to succeed, I often took their words as confirmation that I wasn’t capable. To make things worse, some classmates made fun of my poor English skills, which further eroded my confidence.
The Fear of Speaking
These experiences led me to develop a fear of speaking English altogether. Thoughts like “What if I make a mistake and they laugh at me again?” or “What if my pronunciation sounds weird?” constantly ran through my mind. As a result, I avoided speaking in class as much as possible, which only made it harder for me to improve my speaking skills—a vicious cycle.
Interestingly enough, despite my struggles, I was never placed in an ESL (English as a Second Language) class. To this day, I’m not sure why that was the case, but it meant that I had to keep up with native speakers in the regular classes. While this was incredibly challenging, it also forced me to stay in an environment where I was exposed to high-level English daily.
Reading and Writing Were Also Weak Points
It wasn’t just speaking—I struggled with reading and writing as well. Writing assignments were particularly difficult because I lacked confidence in grammar and vocabulary. Reading textbooks or novels felt equally daunting since there were so many unfamiliar words that made it hard to follow the content. At the time, I felt like there was no area of English where I could excel, which only deepened my frustration.
However, after graduating from school and stepping away from that high-pressure environment, something gradually started to change. For some reason—perhaps because I no longer felt judged—I found myself more willing to engage with English at my own pace. Whether it was reading books or articles that interested me or writing short posts on social media, these small steps helped me realize that I wasn’t as hopeless as I once thought.
Looking Back Now
Even today, speaking English is not something I’d call a strength. But you know what? That’s okay. During my time at the international school, I constantly felt like I needed to catch up or improve faster than everyone else. Looking back now, though, I realize that everyone has their own pace of learning—and mine just happened to be slower than others.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this experience, it’s that perfection isn’t necessary. It’s okay to take your time and grow step by step. For anyone out there struggling with English—or any language—I want to say this: don’t feel pressured to be perfect. Focus on finding your own rhythm and trust that progress will come when you’re ready for it.
Final Thoughts
My time at the international school wasn’t always enjoyable—it came with its fair share of challenges and frustrations. But those experiences shaped who I am today and taught me valuable lessons about perseverance and self-acceptance. Even though it took years after graduation for me to feel comfortable engaging with English again, every step along the way contributed to my growth.
If you’re reading this and facing similar struggles with language learning or self-confidence, I hope my story encourages you to be patient with yourself. Growth doesn’t have to happen all at once—it’s okay to take things one step at a time.
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